HO HO HO! Merry Christmas!

I just flew in from the North Pole, and I swear North Carolina gets 
hotter every year.

I know global warming has even fewer people who believe in it than I do, 
but I can remember a time only a few short decades ago when I needed my 
entire fur-trimmed suit when I ventured in these parts this time of 
year.

Raleigh's a long ways off from South Town, USA, but sometimes I think 
people are trying to put my good, old friend Snow Miser out of business.

I mean, when I started the whole coal in the stockings of naughty, 
little boys and naughty, little girls thing, at least the stuff was 
useful for keeping you warm through the new year.

Ugh, I guess I'm just long overdue for thinking up a new practical, but 
boring gift for those on the naughty list.

But anyways, I'm sure yall didn't come heree to listen to jolly, ol' 
Saint Nick rant about how humanity's irresponsibility is ruining the 
planet and the holiday, but that does remind me of something.

*Sings White Christmas.*

*Let's audience applause quiet down.*

Thank you, thank you! Well, I need to get going, got things to do, lists 
to check, elves to supervise, and besides, parking for nine magical 
reindeer isn't cheap here in the city.

But anyways, Merry Christmas to All, and to all, a good night!